This past week we talked about dating and how it has changed a ton over the years. We talked about what “dating” looks like in today’s world, and how it should actually be.
Dating nowadays is not really dating anymore. You probably meet someone at a party or through friends, you guys start flirting and when you decide you like them you might go on one or two dates, but most people just start hanging out together, and making out. They don’t really go on actual dates that are planned anymore. And yeah, you’re spending lots of time with the other person, but if you do the same thing over and over, you won’t really know what that person is like. My professor, Brother Williams, gave an example. He used to be a marriage and family counselor in California, and he met this couple that came in, and he talked to them separately first. The woman complained that her husband wasn’t a very hard worker, and that he needed to do more. Brother Williams asked her why she thought that, and she responded that her husband had told her he was before they got married. Brother Williams, then asked if they ever went on dates after they had gotten together, and she said they hadn’t.
This is why it’s very important to keep going on planned dates, even after you’re married. My parents have always done this, so before we started talking about it in class, I thought that was perfectly normal. But now, after discussing it, I have realized that most people don’t. Why is this so important, you may ask? Well, it takes about three months to begin to know a person. But that’s not long enough to know them fully. My professor said that he’s been married for 36 years, and is still learning things everyday about his wife. There are always things you can learn about your significant other and if you stop dating after you’re married, you won’t be able to learn those things. Another reason it’s important is that people change, and you won’t know how to help them in the future if you don’t know them very well anymore.
So, what is an official “date” anyway? In class we talked about the three P’s. Planned, Paid for, and Paired off. Meaning, it’s something (like an activity) that you set aside time, in the future, for. You have a specific thing that you are doing at a specific time and day. Now, paid for does not necessarily mean you actually have to pay money. You can have fun dates that are free as well. Paid for does mean that whoever asked, is making the necessary preparations, and they’re providing everything needed for the date. And, Paired off means basically what it says. If you are in a group date, everyone is clear about who their date is, and that they are their responsibility.
We also talked about how living together, or cohabiting as Brother Williams put it, before you’re married is the best way to prepare for divorce. People who start living together before they are married, tend to keep a lot of their own stuff, like bank accounts, they usually keep their same phone plans with their parents or something, insurance, cars etc. They really only share where they live. And when they do get married, most of that stuff tends to stay the same. However, people who move in when they get married tend to get more joint things, because they haven’t been living with anyone yet.
One more thing I want to add, when trying to figure out what kind of attributes you want in a partner, or what you want, you should go on a wide variety of dates, with different people. This way you learn about those people, and what you like about them. And, you can figure out for yourself what qualities you want to improve in yourself, and to see if you’re ready for marriage or not. My professor said, don’t date exclusively until you’re in a place in your life where you can get married. Which I think is very good advice, because if you’re not ready, then you really are just dating to break up.
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